There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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