I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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