The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
