he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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