where am i from again
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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