I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
