I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
