I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize