Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
this hospital has no fireball
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
