I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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