Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
