I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
