Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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