Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it wasn't lemon gatorade
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize