C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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