So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize