so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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