Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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