if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
