I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
