ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
