She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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