he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
