Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
