dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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