Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
