Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
