my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I still have a little drunk in my system
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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