I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
