I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
