he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
