OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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