i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
