i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
