i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So vagazzling was a success
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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