My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
