we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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