is your mom at the bar?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
