you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
