Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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