so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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