Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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