Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
