you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
