ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
