i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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