Me too!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
