i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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