we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
