I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
