and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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