I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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