I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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