I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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