Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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