just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
