I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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