Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
