mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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