My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
only if we run a train.
done.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
