I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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