White coat. Heels.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
