i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
COCAINE IS GR8
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
