I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I could fuck to npr.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
