"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
