New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
