Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
