Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
