Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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