you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize