you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
