alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
