I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
