It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
