best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
