forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dear god my vagina.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
