I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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