i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
