I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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