I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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