Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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