Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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