I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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