Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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