So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
