I just saw a hot homeless man
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
