I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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