i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
