Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
where are my eyebrows?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize