and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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