I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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