So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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