They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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