Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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