she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
