i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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