I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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