Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
